How did I stopped caring and started loving "Bias" part-2

 As you, my dear reader know from part-1,one of my random searches on the internet landed me on the  Death Note manga page on a popular manga site of past-Onemanga. Out of curiosity,I click on the pilot chapter and read on.Next day, I read more.In next few days,I became an avid fan of the manga with Light Yagami, the villain protagonist of the story my most favorite character.Finally I had found what I would now say a "scapegoat" whom I look up to.As you can infer,this was going actually in wrong direction.It was just manga,a fiction and over that a crime fiction.And instead of real life persona,I found my motivation in a manipulative smug,because I really wanted to be something more than a sincere pawn who follows all orders(which I had been throughout my life).I wanted to be in control,and I was getting inspiration from wrong place.

The next step I took was to join Death note Fan groups in Orkut, and his is where my encounters with internet debaters and their "wall of text" argument occurs.But the one that had big impact was that fella who posted about plot holes and mockery of the main character.As a zealot,which indicated the zenith of my obsession due to insecurity on real life,I end up posting all sort of thing which you encounter in youtube comments or fanboy forums, anything but coherent argument to counter theirs.

This was like attack on yourself,and felt like being called imbecile. No, I wasn't doing it because I am an "otaku", I just read this stuff and found it to be the rock I will base my new conventions.Stop attacking it,cause you are attacking my new budding conviction itself!!

The truth was I was seeking in wrong place.Since I was never exposed to such things in life before,it aroused me lots of question regarding others behavior and ultimately  led to the question -"Why some of them don't like what I like? ","Why some hate it to the point they want to know the fandom that the thing their little cult is based around is false ?". Consequently it led me to search of more manga, and later anime of more "intellectual " kind to show them off as part of cred in the community,rather than getting into the whole anime and manga for the purpose of enjoyment and as a part of hobby and interest. Perhaps, as a growing teenager,it was part of the "phase" one goes through,searching for the right thing.It become more difficult when you are the only child in the family,far away from urban centers and struck in a rural shithole where every kid has either bullied or never wanted to be your friends despite your good intentions. Add to that my fear of disappointing my parents or making them fall into tension over me,I end up never telling a lot of things that happened out of their sight.

Initially,my random searches were for arguments in favor of my ideas regarding death note.It led me to the that one addictive 7th circle of hell- tvtropes. After getting my tvtropes crack, I stumble upon the one of the really epic anime I have seen, which I still hold to this very day because it is that good-Legend of the Galactic heroes on the "loads and loads of characters" trope-page.At the same it also served as counter to Code Geass- the anime that was compared (but never contrasted) with Death Note. This leads a 2 year long struggle on facebook groups (as by that time,many had abandoned Orkut) to convince people to watch it.Combined with my poor communication skill and my frustrations in life, this lead to 2nd ban. I was still dashed and confused with same question, as I was before.Time had come to take a break,and I took a year long sabbatical from social media. It was also he time where I was struggling with the fact that now I study in a mediocre engineering collage under a mediocre university and family tension had reached the zenith in my lifetime.

It was the time when I truly realize my "interests" , simplify my thoughts and finally - "the bias".

(to be concluded in part 3)